If Money Were No Object, What Would You Do?

If Money Were No Object, What Would You Do? 

Last week I was invited to participate in a special two-day conference in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. As typical with an event like this, there were several industry speakers who shared relevant information, which of course, I found myself taking pages of notes (yes, I still take notes!) This was an intimate group, and in effort to break the ice, we were asked to share a little about ourselves and if money were no object, what would we do. Many people answered with travel or expensive purchases such as a professional football team or a private island. While those answers were all creative, one person’s answer stood out to me. If money were no object, she would buy time.

Time does seem to be an obstacle that many of us face…from a lack of enough time to complete our everyday tasks…to the evitable race against time, for the person who is facing a terminal illness with only weeks or days to live. The question, if money were no object, or perhaps we should ask it like this: if there were no limitations, obstacles or struggles in your way, what would you be capable of doing? What dreams would you pursue? Where would you travel? Who would you seek out?

Take a moment to dream…if money were no object, what would your life look like? Would you still be afraid? Would you still blame external obstacles for holding you back? Would you still be in the relationship you are currently in? Or would you take the chance, knowing you had something to fall back on?

In reality, you do not need a full bank account to start pursuing our dreams. You can begin right now, from the place you are. In reality, the only thing holding you back, the only obstacle in your life capable of stopping you from living a life of abundance…is you. (Ouch!) My mother used to say, “Where there is a will, there is a way.” Where there is a dream, a hope, a passion…a way will be made. All you have to do is dare to dream; dare to be wildly courageous in your pursuit. So what would you do, if money were no object?

Dare to dream,

Sarah Michelle 

Author . Coach . Trainer . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Sexual Abuse: A Global Epidemic

Sexual Abuse: A Global Epidemic 

As a little girl, I grew up poor, living in a trailer with abusive parents. My mother is a closet alcoholic and my father was both physically and mentally abusive…my first stepfather was a dirty old man, who liked to watch me take a shower and gave inappropriate massages on a regular basis. I was sexually abused by my stepfather for several years and my mother did nothing to stop it.

I was scared and confused…and felt like I was all alone.

Yet, in the bleakest of times, I maintained a positive outlook on my situation. I believed that one day, I would grow up and get to tell my story. If I could change just one person’s life, then all the bad stuff that was happening, wasn’t happening without a reason.

So here I am…all grown up.

For years I lived in a silent hell, fighting off depression and suicidal tendencies. When I wrote my book Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness, it was the first time I spoke the truth about what had happened to me as a young girl. There is something to be said in the phrase, “the truth will set you free.” I broke the silence by speaking my truth, which opened the door for a new kind of freedom and peace, which I never believed would be possible for a girl like me.

As a teenager and a young adult, I blamed my stepfather for all my issues. I had blamed him for my failed relationships, my depression, my weight issues and my anger at the world. You name it, he was the be-all, end-all answer to every problem I have ever had. It took years of therapy but now I have forgiven him for what he did. For a long time, I hid the sexual abuse as a secret, only speaking of it in broken fragments of eluding riddles.

I lived in shame not because of what happened to me but because of how deeply it impacted me. I felt a tremendous amount of guilty for how bad I felt, and how I let those experiences shape my life choices. I discounted my own feelings because I was too embarrassed to compare my experience with a woman who had been raped or brutally tortured by her abuser.

What happened to me wasn’t that bad…so why did I feel so shitty?

What I had failed to see all those years was the truth behind my story…abuse begins the moment it violates your personal boundaries or compromises your safety, be that physical or emotional. While I understand why my stepfather did what he did, and even the choices my mother made, it does not make sexual abuse acceptable. Ever.

Yet, sexual abuse is an epidemic that knows no prejudice. Young girls have been the target of sexual abuse since the beginning of time. And it doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, educated or not, sexual abuse happens daily, around the globe.

Even in the advanced world we live in today, young girls are being robbed of their innocence by someone they trust. And sadly, they live in a silent hell…only to grow up feeling ashamed, and afraid to seek help. The impact of sexual abuse leaves scars that are debilitating, and can lead to depression, addiction and sometimes death.

I know this, because I lived it.

Recently we have seen TV ads speaking out against domestic violence and a lot of attention has been given to the fact that most people suffering from depression never get the help they need.  I believe that in many cases of depression, the root of the emotion stems from some kind of abuse and in women, it is very often sexual abuse.

I know it is not a “trending” topic and it is not one that will be easy to address, but if we do not break the silence, sexual abuse will continue to happen to young girls all around the world and for generations to come. It took a lot of courage to tell my own story and there were many times while I was writing my book that I thought of quitting because I was afraid of what people would think about me, especially my family.

But beyond the fear, I had a deep-rooted hope; a hope that if I had the courage to tell my story, I would empower others to the same.

It should be unacceptable to allow anyone to suffer in silence, from any form of abuse. There are options, and there is hope for happy, healthy and fulfilling life. For me, happiness and peace came after I chose to forgive my parents. It was not easy and it took a 365 page book to do it, but it has been worth it. Just because I was a victim, didn’t mean I had to remain a victim the rest of my life. I had a choice; we all have a choice.

It is my hope, by continuing to share my story, I will educate young girls and women that they have options; they too have a choice. They do not have to remain a victim, but rather can live a life of abundance. I know I cannot stop sexual abuse from happening, but I believe by sharing my story, I can shine a much needed light onto this epidemic. If we all speak out, collectively we can make a difference. If you or anyone you know is currently in danger, please reach out to your local police department or the Department of Child Safety. 

Break the silence.

Sending you much love,

Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Trainer . Author . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Who Says You Can’t Do It?

Who Says You Can’t Do It? 

This image strikes a chord with me, especially since I can relate to the artist on so many levels, including our shared family struggles and attempt at suicide. His 2002 hit, Lose Yourself was a personal mantra for many years. “Mom, I love you but this trailer’s got to go. I cannot grow old in Salem’s Lot, so here I go. It’s my shot, feet: fail me not. This may be the only opportunity that I got.”

Listening to this song makes me want to get up and go do something freaking awesome. Still, even all these years later and after listening to it a thousand times, sometimes over and over. Who says you can’t do it?

Like Eminem and countless others we have been told we can’t. You aren’t good enough. You aren’t smart enough. You don’t come from the right background. You aren’t tall enough. You are a woman. You are a man. You are too young. You are too fat. You aren’t the right color. The list goes on and on…

“You’ll never amount to anything, but a loser just like your father.” I heard this statement many times as a young girl. My mother. It took me twenty-five years to understanding or accept that at the time, she thought she was doing the right thing by saying this to me. Perhaps not; perhaps she was just an asshole. Either way, it inspired me to prove her wrong. And when the opportunity came, I moved away from the trailer park. “This is my shot: feet fail me not.”

Who says you can’t do it? Whether it is your mom, your dad, or your partner, your boss or a teacher, I challenge you to do it anyway. Life will give you exactly what you ask for, if you are willing to take the chance on yourself. The only person you need to believe, is you. “Success is my only mutherf*ckin’ option – failures not.”

Peace and Love,

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

When Anxiety Strikes

When Anxiety Strikes

When anxiety strikes, it can be overwhelming and debilitating. An attack can last a few hours, a few days and in some cases even longer. I have personally experienced some form of anxiety for weeks at a time. It’s exhausting…and recently I found myself consumed by the pounding heart-beat, the irrational thoughts and the overwhelming need to run far-far away. Anxiety had struck.

Currently anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues in the U.S. and studies report that one out of five people are suffering from anxiety. That means several of you (besides me) that are reading this blog, may be impacted by the effects of anxiety…right now.

Tons of research has been done by doctors and scientists as to why or what causes the variety of anxiety. When anxiety strikes, it can be GAD (general anxiety disorder), OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), panic attacks, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or social anxiety. Years ago I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder), which at the time I was grateful to finally have a label or a reason why I felt so emotionally shitty, all the time. But when the “coolness” wore off, I was even more depressed about being labeled with a mental disorder.  

Anyone who has suffered from an anxiety attack can probably relate to the following…when anxiety strikes, I have described it as a black hole with no beginning, no end…it is a free-falling emotional spin-out in total blackness. For me, it was hard to recognize the “trigger” points, especially when the best advise the doctor had, was to reduce my stress…what?!?!! How does a person who is always stressed and who actually operates better under stress, reduce their stress??? As a high-type A personality, stress is what I thrive on!

So what can be done when anxiety strikes? If you want to do your own research online, you will find plenty of great articles with easy and relevant suggestions to help reduce the effects of anxiety. These are a few of tips I have found helpful for me…

Alternative medicine: I am a big fan of non-traditional or alternative medicine. At one point I was prescribed 100mg of Zoloft to control my anxiety. When it wasn’t working and I felt more like a zombie than a real person, I quit cold turkey. Now I don’t suggest this route, as it was pretty physically brutal and completely against medical recommendation. But I was on a mission to find a better, healthy alternative. Here are a few that I love…

Lavender has a natural calming benefit.  A few drops on a cotton swab or over my heart chakra helps me calm down and remember to breath. I have even put lavender oil on my pillow case before bed at night.

A piece of clear quartz crystal is soothing and grounding. I like to hold a piece in my hand and rub it back and forth, across the palm of my hand and fingers. Quartz is known as the “master healer” which provides protection and helps clear away negativity.

Chamomile is another great choice for slowing down the racing thoughts and calming the mind. Chamomile soaps are great for baths and if you like tea, there are plenty of options available.

Eat comfort foods:  I know that some of you may disagree with me on this idea, however there is something wonderful about losing yourself in a food that brings you comfort. And I am not talking about the cliche "pint of ice cream"…I mean your favorite recipe that your Grandmother gave you or a special dish that reminders you of a happier time. The very word “comfort” is exactly what it should bring you. When anxiety strikes, it is far from comfortable so fill your insides with something that makes you feel good. On an additional note, I am also a big fan of taking vitamins. A good multi-vitamin and a B complex can go a long way when anxiety strikes. Take some time to research what is a good vitamin for you. It doesn’t have to be the most expensive bottle on the shelf either. I personally love the multi-vitamin for women from Hi-Health.

Drink plenty of water: while a bottle of wine might sound far better than a bottle of water in the midst of an anxiety attack, alcohol actually adds to the problem (insert sad face here). I know, I love my wine too, but I am also a big advocate of staying hydrated with water (not soda or juice)…we are supposed to take in at least sixty-four fluid ounces of water per day. Yikes! That seems like a lot of water, right? Staying hydrated keeps our skin looking young, helps our organs operate properly and some studies have found that water can change our emotional outlook. I was given a set of Water Affirmations which are coasters for my desk. Each of them have a beautiful image with a word like “healthy” or “peace” and every day when I am sitting at my desk, I put my glass on top of the card. Call me crazy, but I do notice a difference in the way the water tastes and how I feel drinking it. 

Mix things up with fresh squeezed lemon slices, sprigs of mint or spices like ginger and cinnamon, which has been known to help with healthy blood-flow of the heart. I love to slice a cucumber and add it to my water. I have a beautiful hand-blown glass pitcher which is perfect for “spa water” as I call it. An hour in the refrigerator and it is amazing! The water tastes refreshing and makes me feel like I am spending the afternoon at the spa – and who doesn’t love a day at the spa??

If you feel like crying, let it out: you don’t really need to know why you are having an anxiety attack when it is happening, and trying to avoid the process is only going to prolong the agony. Sometimes crying is a part of what we need to experience when anxiety strikes. Instead of trying to choke back the tears, let them out! A good cry…and when I say a good cry, I mean the kind of cry that leaves you limp and reaching for a box of tissue to wipe away the snot…can be cathartic, both emotionally and physically. Some of you reading this are probably rolling your eyes right now…as a recovery control freak, I get it. We don’t like to cry and we will do anything within our power to avoid feeling vulnerably enough to cry. My mother taught me that crying meant weakness. But this is not my mother’s blog and I am here to give you permission to cry…let it out and then let it go.

Separate fact from fiction: I learned this technique from one of my favorite therapists, Judy. She taught me how to step back and identify what was fact or real in the situation and what was fiction or non-fact. It’s not easy to do at first but with practice and a commitment it can be done. In the past, when I felt an anxiety attack coming on due to a specific circumstance or situation, and I applied this tool, I was able to shift from an emotional spin-out to a calm, rational state-of-mind. Most of, or well, wait…all of what we feel in our bodies is directly related to the emotion we attach to the thought. If we can identify what is real, tangle facts verses the made-up shit in our head, then we can change the outcome or in other words, eliminate the anxiety attack.

GET UP! I know, I know…this is a hard one; even I cringe a little as I type this. But it has been documented that physical activity helps reduce anxiety. Now that doesn’t mean you need to buy a new pair of running shoes but what it does mean is GET UP...out of bed, off the sofa and move your body. Take a shower…do your make-up…put on your favorite pair of jeans…leave the house. Wallowing in your emotional hell is not the answer. Go for a walk…pull some weeds…listen to heavy metal really loud…whatever it is, just GET UP!!!!

Stop judging yourself: I think I saved all the reaalllyyy hard ones for last! This is another one that kicks my own ass too. Judging is one of the first things we are taught as a small child, so it’s really hard to wrap our brains around this one. But just like we want to stop judging others, or want others to stop judging us…we also need to stop judging ourselves. If you feel like crap, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are going to feel like crap every day for the rest of your life. If you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it means you are human (and I type this with my finger pointed at myself!). Be kind to yourself and trust the flow of life. Everything is always happening for the highest good…always.

Don’t hide – talk about it: I am guilty of this one and actually used to pride myself of how well I could hide my anxiety and depression. “Never let them see you sweat” was a personal mantra…while I was deeply suffering in a silent emotional prison cell, a part of me was desperate for someone to wrap their arms around me, and tell me everything was going to be okay. But that is pretty hard to do when no one knows what you are going through. I get it, it’s embarrassing to come clean with our emotional baggage…especially if you are like me and the whole world believes you have everything in check.

Medical studies have found that physical contact with another human can help when anxiety strikes. So there is something to be said for needing a hug…I will be the first to tell you that your friends and family want to help you. They want to be there for you; they do not want to see you suffer in silence. The more you talk about what you are feeling, the less power it has over you…the truth will set you free. Emotional pain is like a cancer that literally starts to eat us from the inside out, and sometimes that is exactly what an anxiety attack can feel like. I know it is easier, or so we think to hide in bed when anxiety strikes but in reality, what we really need is a great big bear hug from someone who loves us…everything really is going to be okay.

Sending you much love,

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author . Speaker
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Listen. Learn. Believe.

Listen. Learn. Believe. 

Listen. Learn. Believe. Three powerful words in the English language, yet not always three we put together in the same sentence. Perhaps it’s because that put together, these three words scare the shit out of most of us myself included. And let’s be honest, most of us are not daredevil, adrenaline junkies who enjoy being uncomfortable. Or perhaps we really are…

Years ago when I was knee-deep in uncovering old wounds and baggage, I finished a journal entry with these three words: Listen. Learn. Believe. In the moment, it was an emotional drizzle on paper in the late hours of the day…but I would later realize, it wasn’t just three words randomly strung together on a page in my journal, but rather a sort of declaration of the person I wanted to become.

To listen…to really listen meant that I had to step outside of my ego (that obnoxious voice in our head that seems to never shut-up!)…I had to step outside of my mind and step into my heart-center. I had to humble myself. I had to answer for support from unknown sources. As a recovering control-freak this was not an easy task to do, however, there is an unconditional freedom that comes from truly listening.

Listening comes in many forms, from intentionally listening to your partner, your loved ones, your clients, the stranger on the subway…and the most important, listening to your higher-self. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern between the loud-mouth ego and the humble calling of your soul’s desire. However, it can be done by listening. Allow yourself quiet time during the day or the week to drop down into your heart-center and just listen. Listen to the sound of your own breath, to the beat of your heart…what is it that you wish to hear? That is your higher-self. Listen.

Now learning can be fun and easy…or if you are like me, I prefer to be tied up to the back of a truck, with a rope around my ankles as I am drug down a dirt road! All kidding aside; learning can be haaarrrddd. And some of the lessons we must learn are not always lessons we want to learn, hence the need for a strong rope and a really, really long dirt road (I can admit my own faults!)…

However, inside of every obstacle life presents us, is an opportunity to learn and ultimately grow as a human being. If we learn something from every experience, then by definition there can be no mistakes or regret. Even if it’s really ugly or really painful, there is always something to be learned, but it requires that we step outside of the chapped-ass-state-of-being and get honest with the why. Why is this happening to me? Why did I create this opportunity for myself? What am I supposed to learn? Listen. Learn.

Listen. Learn. Believe. I personally still believe in Santa Claus…okay, not really in a guy who wears a big red suit and comes down the chimney at night, but in the magic that surrounds the folklore of St. Nicholas. As a kid, I can remember really believing in Santa. I mean really, really believing. But if you grew up poor like I did, Santa wasn’t just a jolly dude who brought presents…he was a symbol of hope, of love…he represented a passion that lived inside me, that someday I’d get to make a difference in the world, despite where I came from.

As children we believe in magic, we believe in the unknown. There is no fear, only curiosity. Then we grow up, and as adults we shut down this flow of unconditional belief, because someone told us to be logical. We are taught to think with our brains (or in other words the ego) and to stop feeling with our hearts. We stop believing in Santa…we stop believing in magic….we stop believing in ourselves.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, most of us would not describe ourselves as daredevils who enjoy the rush of adrenaline from jumping out of a plane or walking a tie-rope twenty feet in the air…however, most of us do live in an uncomfortable state-of-being every day because we do no practice these three little, yet powerful words. We don’t listen because we think we don’t have time to…we don’t want to learn because it’s too hard…and let’s face it, finding out that Santa wasn’t a real person, was a huge blow and how can we believe in anything after that???

When put together, these three words can be scary or they can be life-changing. The choice is ultimately yours. Listen. Learn. Believe. Take the first step and I promise…you will find that magic again.

Peace and Love.

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken 

Many years ago I signed up for a daily email from a company called TUT (totally unique thoughts). The emails are written as if they are coming from the Universe, which is really a guy named Mike Dooley. I love these quick, to the point messages that often times, stay with me for days, if not weeks. Today, I thought I would share one of the messages I received and the perspective it gave me.

“Never create Rules, Sarah. Not ever. Not for others. And especially not for yourself. Unless, of course, this is your rules.”

From the time we begin to walk, we are taught about rules. Some rules are obviously for our safety, while other rules teach us at a young age that there are limitations in life or what we “can or can’t do.” Although I have prescribed to plenty of my own self-limited thoughts (and probably still do), I also believe that some rules are meant to be broken.

When I read this message from the Universe, I had a flash of some “rules” I had learned over the course of my life…like eat all your vegetables, or don’t drive over the speed limit, or never put the Christmas tree top on until the rest of the tree is decorated…all rules I think I have broken at some point in time!

Some rules (especially the ones that should be broken), restrict us and hold us back…they keep us thinking small or believing that we are not capable of more…worse off, they stop us from living a fulfilling life. We are taught to think about our actions, to be smart and plan ahead. These are all rules, that could be broke, and for good cause.

When we create rules, we create expectations and then our dreams become a rigid set of “to-dos” on a boring sheet of paper. When we create expectations we stifle our creativity. And when we are restricted or tied to a rule we shut off the flow of possibilities. If we can only see one outcome or one way something can happen, we have prescribed to a self-limiting rule.

If you want to make something happen in your life, stop creating rules…stop believing in “how you think it should be done.” Stop having expectations of those around you or the circumstances in your life. Stop thinking and start dreaming. Some rules are meant to be broken…especially when it comes to being in control of your own happiness!

Much Love,

Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Your Destiny is Not Predicted by Your Past

Your Destiny is Not Predicted by Your Past 

The other day I was presenting a class on the topic of goal setting and removing limited belief systems.  In the materials there was a statement which read something along these lines…”your commitment, not your condition, shapes your future.” Let’s stop there and let that sink in a bit. Your commitment…not your condition (be it a lack of money, maybe a health condition, or perhaps a lack of knowledge)…shapes your future. Your future being the goals and ambitions you dream about when you lay awake at night.

In other words, where you come from or where you are currently at, does not predict where you can go in life if you choose to. I grew up in a trailer with an alcoholic mother and an abusive father. My future was pretty bleak. But as a little girl, I dreamed of a bigger world, outside of the trailer park. I could have easily resolved to the reality of my condition as a child, but I chose not to. And by having a little spark deep inside that longed for something better, something bigger, I was able to leave that life behind for a brighter future.

Sure we all have some belief about ourselves that holds us back, myself included. Life is not always roses and sunshine! However, if we are committed to what I like to call BHAGS (big, hairy audacious goals)…these are goals that make your stomach do a flip when you think about them…and when I say committed, I am mean committed like your life depending on it…then anything is possible. That is worth repeating: anything is possible.

Your destiny is not predicted by your past…unless you choose to let it be. It’s time to start living the life you dream of…what are you committed to?

Peace and Love, 

Sarah Michelle
Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness
www.sarahmichellebliss.com