What is Family? A Holiday Wish Come True

What is Family? A Holiday Wish Come True 

Growing up, the holidays always seemed to bring out the worst in my parents. I was that little girl who wished for peace and happiness to be the one gift under the tree. As I grew up, I put as much distance as I could between myself and biological family...and I started my own traditions. 

I went many years believing I did not need family, believing I was better off isolating myself from any experience that could cause me pain, like that I had experienced as a child. I am grateful for those years I spent alone, as I was able to do a great deal of healing from the inside out. But as I sit here on Christmas eve, preparing for the holiday celebrations this evening, I am humbled by an awareness that has surrounded me in this moment.

The dictionary definition of the word "family" means: a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not. But as many of us know, family does not just consist of those we share the same ancestor with...there is those we connect with through marriage and those we share a close bond with, like a brother or sister might, although they are no blood relation to us. For me, I have been rather lucky to have many amazing, beautiful people in my life that I can call "family"...if only I had not been so blinded by my own hurt and disappointment.

For many years (and I'll be brutally honest), I thought that family was for the birds...completely over-rated and I carried a big chip on my shoulder that read with a sarcastic tone: "who needs family anyway?" But in reality, deep down inside, I was still that little girl who sat on Santa's lap asking for peace and happiness to be my gift. 

This last few weeks have been filled with holiday parties galore and surprises (like bonuses on my paycheck, tickets to sporting events and unexpected gifts in the mail)...last night as we arrived home late, I was given another unexpected gift. I'll call her my sister-in-law for simplicity...hugged me good night and said with a sincere joy in her voice, "I love you girl." Words that might seem casual or commonplace for some...but not for me. 

Her words have rung in my head all day and inspired me to write this blog. What is family? Or better yet, what is my family? 

It struck me that my holiday wish had come true...it was not just for peace and happiness that I wished for as a little girl, but more importantly for a family...my family. And although I do have a family by definition, and great relationships with my two closest brothers, this definition of family goes beyond just that. 

People who were much like strangers to me up until a year ago have welcomed me into their lives and treated me as if I was always meant to be a part of their world: A mother, a father, a sister, a niece, a brother-in-law, a step-child...and a partner who loves me more than I ever thought possible. My holiday wish has come true...and this evening I will be celebrating more than just a merry Christmas...I'll be celebrating my family.

Sending you much love and happiness on this merriest of holiday seasons. 

Peace & Love
Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Speaker . Trainer

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com 

Love

Love 

Today I was listening to a CD set from one of my favorite speakers, Michael Bernard Beckwith. It’s a set I have had for a few years and decided it was a good day to revisit some of the theories he teaches. Throughout the hour of listening to him speak, I heard the same message several times: it’s about love.

It’s about love, all forms of love from self-love, to unconditional love, to relationship love, to the love of life. Often times, people mistake what love is or what it is not. Up until the last few years, I thought love had failed me in every area of my life. In fact, I’d go as far as to say, that I hated the idea of love. The word itself brought out a mixture of emotions and pain that I couldn’t deal with. I did lots of things to avoid love and to sabotage love (in all my relationships). Ultimately it got me nowhere but locked in a self-made safe house.

It’s about love – in all forms. When someone challenges us, there is a reason. My mentor would tell you that the buttons they are pushing for you, are areas of your life you need to work on (or what she calls the “mirror effect”). I know most of us don’t want to think that our spouse or children or even our boss is showing up to teach us something, especially when we are annoyed with them! But at the end of the day, the emotions they charge in you, are really about something you need to learn or heal. As I type this, I am having my own awareness of little nauseous in my day-to-day life, haha...

So how do you love yourself or the button-pusher through it? How do you humble yourself to a place of love…unconditional, pure love? How do you move from anger to love?

We’ve all heard the saying “you’ll never understand a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” Although we may not literally be able to step into another person’s body to “walk a mile” in their life, we can, however, use our imagination to experience how it might feel to be them.

How does it feel to be them? To have their face? To have their hair? To walk or talk like them? Do they have an illness you do not know about? How does it feel to have their name? To have their job, their home? How does it feel to be their spouse? How does it feel to have their insecurities? Their fears?

I have found when I use this exercise I am able to remove any judgments I have formed, almost immediately. I move from a place of negativity or anger into a place of compassion and understanding. When I am able to connect with them on this level, I am able to see through my own fears and inadequacies and accept them for the person they are. I am able to find value. I am able to find appreciation. I am able to find love.

In the wake of the news that Congress tossed out California’s bill against same sex marriage, love is really the underlying message. I have read all sorts of comments on the social media sites today, from anger to joy. When I say love is the underlying message, I do not mean this to imply what my opinion is whether two people of the same sex should be married or not. More importantly, what I mean is that love should always be what we consider first. Not whether it is right or possible for two men or two women to love each other romantically, or whether love is only reserved for straight relationships.

What I mean is to simply LOVE...in all ways possible...all people...all things...all of life. Stop thinking about yourself and your own issues long enough to walk a mile in a different pair of shoes. The "shoes" are not limited to people, I mean ALL things, including animals, plants, situations, events, etc.

Stop thinking that your view is the only view or that it is the right view. Love does not know the difference. Don’t assume the worst in others. Think about love before you make a decision or form a judgment. Think about love before you place a limitation on a person or situation. Govern your thoughts and behaviors with love as your motivation. Make all your choices with love.

When we “walk a mile in their shoes” we are able to give love and to receive love. We remove the limitations we create by judging. To love is to be one with yourself…to be one with another human being…to be one with all of life.

The next time you find yourself annoyed with your spouse, a co-worker, your child or the neighbor down the hall, consider first what it’s like to “walk a mile in their shoes.” Consider all the possibilities that lie in your ability to choose love over anger. Put love first…and you will change your world.

Much Love,

Sarah Michelle Bliss

Success Coach . Speaker . Trainer

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com