When Anxiety Strikes

When Anxiety Strikes

When anxiety strikes, it can be overwhelming and debilitating. An attack can last a few hours, a few days and in some cases even longer. I have personally experienced some form of anxiety for weeks at a time. It’s exhausting…and recently I found myself consumed by the pounding heart-beat, the irrational thoughts and the overwhelming need to run far-far away. Anxiety had struck.

Currently anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues in the U.S. and studies report that one out of five people are suffering from anxiety. That means several of you (besides me) that are reading this blog, may be impacted by the effects of anxiety…right now.

Tons of research has been done by doctors and scientists as to why or what causes the variety of anxiety. When anxiety strikes, it can be GAD (general anxiety disorder), OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), panic attacks, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or social anxiety. Years ago I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder), which at the time I was grateful to finally have a label or a reason why I felt so emotionally shitty, all the time. But when the “coolness” wore off, I was even more depressed about being labeled with a mental disorder.  

Anyone who has suffered from an anxiety attack can probably relate to the following…when anxiety strikes, I have described it as a black hole with no beginning, no end…it is a free-falling emotional spin-out in total blackness. For me, it was hard to recognize the “trigger” points, especially when the best advise the doctor had, was to reduce my stress…what?!?!! How does a person who is always stressed and who actually operates better under stress, reduce their stress??? As a high-type A personality, stress is what I thrive on!

So what can be done when anxiety strikes? If you want to do your own research online, you will find plenty of great articles with easy and relevant suggestions to help reduce the effects of anxiety. These are a few of tips I have found helpful for me…

Alternative medicine: I am a big fan of non-traditional or alternative medicine. At one point I was prescribed 100mg of Zoloft to control my anxiety. When it wasn’t working and I felt more like a zombie than a real person, I quit cold turkey. Now I don’t suggest this route, as it was pretty physically brutal and completely against medical recommendation. But I was on a mission to find a better, healthy alternative. Here are a few that I love…

Lavender has a natural calming benefit.  A few drops on a cotton swab or over my heart chakra helps me calm down and remember to breath. I have even put lavender oil on my pillow case before bed at night.

A piece of clear quartz crystal is soothing and grounding. I like to hold a piece in my hand and rub it back and forth, across the palm of my hand and fingers. Quartz is known as the “master healer” which provides protection and helps clear away negativity.

Chamomile is another great choice for slowing down the racing thoughts and calming the mind. Chamomile soaps are great for baths and if you like tea, there are plenty of options available.

Eat comfort foods:  I know that some of you may disagree with me on this idea, however there is something wonderful about losing yourself in a food that brings you comfort. And I am not talking about the cliche "pint of ice cream"…I mean your favorite recipe that your Grandmother gave you or a special dish that reminders you of a happier time. The very word “comfort” is exactly what it should bring you. When anxiety strikes, it is far from comfortable so fill your insides with something that makes you feel good. On an additional note, I am also a big fan of taking vitamins. A good multi-vitamin and a B complex can go a long way when anxiety strikes. Take some time to research what is a good vitamin for you. It doesn’t have to be the most expensive bottle on the shelf either. I personally love the multi-vitamin for women from Hi-Health.

Drink plenty of water: while a bottle of wine might sound far better than a bottle of water in the midst of an anxiety attack, alcohol actually adds to the problem (insert sad face here). I know, I love my wine too, but I am also a big advocate of staying hydrated with water (not soda or juice)…we are supposed to take in at least sixty-four fluid ounces of water per day. Yikes! That seems like a lot of water, right? Staying hydrated keeps our skin looking young, helps our organs operate properly and some studies have found that water can change our emotional outlook. I was given a set of Water Affirmations which are coasters for my desk. Each of them have a beautiful image with a word like “healthy” or “peace” and every day when I am sitting at my desk, I put my glass on top of the card. Call me crazy, but I do notice a difference in the way the water tastes and how I feel drinking it. 

Mix things up with fresh squeezed lemon slices, sprigs of mint or spices like ginger and cinnamon, which has been known to help with healthy blood-flow of the heart. I love to slice a cucumber and add it to my water. I have a beautiful hand-blown glass pitcher which is perfect for “spa water” as I call it. An hour in the refrigerator and it is amazing! The water tastes refreshing and makes me feel like I am spending the afternoon at the spa – and who doesn’t love a day at the spa??

If you feel like crying, let it out: you don’t really need to know why you are having an anxiety attack when it is happening, and trying to avoid the process is only going to prolong the agony. Sometimes crying is a part of what we need to experience when anxiety strikes. Instead of trying to choke back the tears, let them out! A good cry…and when I say a good cry, I mean the kind of cry that leaves you limp and reaching for a box of tissue to wipe away the snot…can be cathartic, both emotionally and physically. Some of you reading this are probably rolling your eyes right now…as a recovery control freak, I get it. We don’t like to cry and we will do anything within our power to avoid feeling vulnerably enough to cry. My mother taught me that crying meant weakness. But this is not my mother’s blog and I am here to give you permission to cry…let it out and then let it go.

Separate fact from fiction: I learned this technique from one of my favorite therapists, Judy. She taught me how to step back and identify what was fact or real in the situation and what was fiction or non-fact. It’s not easy to do at first but with practice and a commitment it can be done. In the past, when I felt an anxiety attack coming on due to a specific circumstance or situation, and I applied this tool, I was able to shift from an emotional spin-out to a calm, rational state-of-mind. Most of, or well, wait…all of what we feel in our bodies is directly related to the emotion we attach to the thought. If we can identify what is real, tangle facts verses the made-up shit in our head, then we can change the outcome or in other words, eliminate the anxiety attack.

GET UP! I know, I know…this is a hard one; even I cringe a little as I type this. But it has been documented that physical activity helps reduce anxiety. Now that doesn’t mean you need to buy a new pair of running shoes but what it does mean is GET UP...out of bed, off the sofa and move your body. Take a shower…do your make-up…put on your favorite pair of jeans…leave the house. Wallowing in your emotional hell is not the answer. Go for a walk…pull some weeds…listen to heavy metal really loud…whatever it is, just GET UP!!!!

Stop judging yourself: I think I saved all the reaalllyyy hard ones for last! This is another one that kicks my own ass too. Judging is one of the first things we are taught as a small child, so it’s really hard to wrap our brains around this one. But just like we want to stop judging others, or want others to stop judging us…we also need to stop judging ourselves. If you feel like crap, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are going to feel like crap every day for the rest of your life. If you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it means you are human (and I type this with my finger pointed at myself!). Be kind to yourself and trust the flow of life. Everything is always happening for the highest good…always.

Don’t hide – talk about it: I am guilty of this one and actually used to pride myself of how well I could hide my anxiety and depression. “Never let them see you sweat” was a personal mantra…while I was deeply suffering in a silent emotional prison cell, a part of me was desperate for someone to wrap their arms around me, and tell me everything was going to be okay. But that is pretty hard to do when no one knows what you are going through. I get it, it’s embarrassing to come clean with our emotional baggage…especially if you are like me and the whole world believes you have everything in check.

Medical studies have found that physical contact with another human can help when anxiety strikes. So there is something to be said for needing a hug…I will be the first to tell you that your friends and family want to help you. They want to be there for you; they do not want to see you suffer in silence. The more you talk about what you are feeling, the less power it has over you…the truth will set you free. Emotional pain is like a cancer that literally starts to eat us from the inside out, and sometimes that is exactly what an anxiety attack can feel like. I know it is easier, or so we think to hide in bed when anxiety strikes but in reality, what we really need is a great big bear hug from someone who loves us…everything really is going to be okay.

Sending you much love,

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author . Speaker
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Listen. Learn. Believe.

Listen. Learn. Believe. 

Listen. Learn. Believe. Three powerful words in the English language, yet not always three we put together in the same sentence. Perhaps it’s because that put together, these three words scare the shit out of most of us myself included. And let’s be honest, most of us are not daredevil, adrenaline junkies who enjoy being uncomfortable. Or perhaps we really are…

Years ago when I was knee-deep in uncovering old wounds and baggage, I finished a journal entry with these three words: Listen. Learn. Believe. In the moment, it was an emotional drizzle on paper in the late hours of the day…but I would later realize, it wasn’t just three words randomly strung together on a page in my journal, but rather a sort of declaration of the person I wanted to become.

To listen…to really listen meant that I had to step outside of my ego (that obnoxious voice in our head that seems to never shut-up!)…I had to step outside of my mind and step into my heart-center. I had to humble myself. I had to answer for support from unknown sources. As a recovering control-freak this was not an easy task to do, however, there is an unconditional freedom that comes from truly listening.

Listening comes in many forms, from intentionally listening to your partner, your loved ones, your clients, the stranger on the subway…and the most important, listening to your higher-self. Sometimes it can be difficult to discern between the loud-mouth ego and the humble calling of your soul’s desire. However, it can be done by listening. Allow yourself quiet time during the day or the week to drop down into your heart-center and just listen. Listen to the sound of your own breath, to the beat of your heart…what is it that you wish to hear? That is your higher-self. Listen.

Now learning can be fun and easy…or if you are like me, I prefer to be tied up to the back of a truck, with a rope around my ankles as I am drug down a dirt road! All kidding aside; learning can be haaarrrddd. And some of the lessons we must learn are not always lessons we want to learn, hence the need for a strong rope and a really, really long dirt road (I can admit my own faults!)…

However, inside of every obstacle life presents us, is an opportunity to learn and ultimately grow as a human being. If we learn something from every experience, then by definition there can be no mistakes or regret. Even if it’s really ugly or really painful, there is always something to be learned, but it requires that we step outside of the chapped-ass-state-of-being and get honest with the why. Why is this happening to me? Why did I create this opportunity for myself? What am I supposed to learn? Listen. Learn.

Listen. Learn. Believe. I personally still believe in Santa Claus…okay, not really in a guy who wears a big red suit and comes down the chimney at night, but in the magic that surrounds the folklore of St. Nicholas. As a kid, I can remember really believing in Santa. I mean really, really believing. But if you grew up poor like I did, Santa wasn’t just a jolly dude who brought presents…he was a symbol of hope, of love…he represented a passion that lived inside me, that someday I’d get to make a difference in the world, despite where I came from.

As children we believe in magic, we believe in the unknown. There is no fear, only curiosity. Then we grow up, and as adults we shut down this flow of unconditional belief, because someone told us to be logical. We are taught to think with our brains (or in other words the ego) and to stop feeling with our hearts. We stop believing in Santa…we stop believing in magic….we stop believing in ourselves.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, most of us would not describe ourselves as daredevils who enjoy the rush of adrenaline from jumping out of a plane or walking a tie-rope twenty feet in the air…however, most of us do live in an uncomfortable state-of-being every day because we do no practice these three little, yet powerful words. We don’t listen because we think we don’t have time to…we don’t want to learn because it’s too hard…and let’s face it, finding out that Santa wasn’t a real person, was a huge blow and how can we believe in anything after that???

When put together, these three words can be scary or they can be life-changing. The choice is ultimately yours. Listen. Learn. Believe. Take the first step and I promise…you will find that magic again.

Peace and Love.

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken 

Many years ago I signed up for a daily email from a company called TUT (totally unique thoughts). The emails are written as if they are coming from the Universe, which is really a guy named Mike Dooley. I love these quick, to the point messages that often times, stay with me for days, if not weeks. Today, I thought I would share one of the messages I received and the perspective it gave me.

“Never create Rules, Sarah. Not ever. Not for others. And especially not for yourself. Unless, of course, this is your rules.”

From the time we begin to walk, we are taught about rules. Some rules are obviously for our safety, while other rules teach us at a young age that there are limitations in life or what we “can or can’t do.” Although I have prescribed to plenty of my own self-limited thoughts (and probably still do), I also believe that some rules are meant to be broken.

When I read this message from the Universe, I had a flash of some “rules” I had learned over the course of my life…like eat all your vegetables, or don’t drive over the speed limit, or never put the Christmas tree top on until the rest of the tree is decorated…all rules I think I have broken at some point in time!

Some rules (especially the ones that should be broken), restrict us and hold us back…they keep us thinking small or believing that we are not capable of more…worse off, they stop us from living a fulfilling life. We are taught to think about our actions, to be smart and plan ahead. These are all rules, that could be broke, and for good cause.

When we create rules, we create expectations and then our dreams become a rigid set of “to-dos” on a boring sheet of paper. When we create expectations we stifle our creativity. And when we are restricted or tied to a rule we shut off the flow of possibilities. If we can only see one outcome or one way something can happen, we have prescribed to a self-limiting rule.

If you want to make something happen in your life, stop creating rules…stop believing in “how you think it should be done.” Stop having expectations of those around you or the circumstances in your life. Stop thinking and start dreaming. Some rules are meant to be broken…especially when it comes to being in control of your own happiness!

Much Love,

Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Your Destiny is Not Predicted by Your Past

Your Destiny is Not Predicted by Your Past 

The other day I was presenting a class on the topic of goal setting and removing limited belief systems.  In the materials there was a statement which read something along these lines…”your commitment, not your condition, shapes your future.” Let’s stop there and let that sink in a bit. Your commitment…not your condition (be it a lack of money, maybe a health condition, or perhaps a lack of knowledge)…shapes your future. Your future being the goals and ambitions you dream about when you lay awake at night.

In other words, where you come from or where you are currently at, does not predict where you can go in life if you choose to. I grew up in a trailer with an alcoholic mother and an abusive father. My future was pretty bleak. But as a little girl, I dreamed of a bigger world, outside of the trailer park. I could have easily resolved to the reality of my condition as a child, but I chose not to. And by having a little spark deep inside that longed for something better, something bigger, I was able to leave that life behind for a brighter future.

Sure we all have some belief about ourselves that holds us back, myself included. Life is not always roses and sunshine! However, if we are committed to what I like to call BHAGS (big, hairy audacious goals)…these are goals that make your stomach do a flip when you think about them…and when I say committed, I am mean committed like your life depending on it…then anything is possible. That is worth repeating: anything is possible.

Your destiny is not predicted by your past…unless you choose to let it be. It’s time to start living the life you dream of…what are you committed to?

Peace and Love, 

Sarah Michelle
Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness
www.sarahmichellebliss.com

What is Family? A Holiday Wish Come True

What is Family? A Holiday Wish Come True 

Growing up, the holidays always seemed to bring out the worst in my parents. I was that little girl who wished for peace and happiness to be the one gift under the tree. As I grew up, I put as much distance as I could between myself and biological family...and I started my own traditions. 

I went many years believing I did not need family, believing I was better off isolating myself from any experience that could cause me pain, like that I had experienced as a child. I am grateful for those years I spent alone, as I was able to do a great deal of healing from the inside out. But as I sit here on Christmas eve, preparing for the holiday celebrations this evening, I am humbled by an awareness that has surrounded me in this moment.

The dictionary definition of the word "family" means: a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not. But as many of us know, family does not just consist of those we share the same ancestor with...there is those we connect with through marriage and those we share a close bond with, like a brother or sister might, although they are no blood relation to us. For me, I have been rather lucky to have many amazing, beautiful people in my life that I can call "family"...if only I had not been so blinded by my own hurt and disappointment.

For many years (and I'll be brutally honest), I thought that family was for the birds...completely over-rated and I carried a big chip on my shoulder that read with a sarcastic tone: "who needs family anyway?" But in reality, deep down inside, I was still that little girl who sat on Santa's lap asking for peace and happiness to be my gift. 

This last few weeks have been filled with holiday parties galore and surprises (like bonuses on my paycheck, tickets to sporting events and unexpected gifts in the mail)...last night as we arrived home late, I was given another unexpected gift. I'll call her my sister-in-law for simplicity...hugged me good night and said with a sincere joy in her voice, "I love you girl." Words that might seem casual or commonplace for some...but not for me. 

Her words have rung in my head all day and inspired me to write this blog. What is family? Or better yet, what is my family? 

It struck me that my holiday wish had come true...it was not just for peace and happiness that I wished for as a little girl, but more importantly for a family...my family. And although I do have a family by definition, and great relationships with my two closest brothers, this definition of family goes beyond just that. 

People who were much like strangers to me up until a year ago have welcomed me into their lives and treated me as if I was always meant to be a part of their world: A mother, a father, a sister, a niece, a brother-in-law, a step-child...and a partner who loves me more than I ever thought possible. My holiday wish has come true...and this evening I will be celebrating more than just a merry Christmas...I'll be celebrating my family.

Sending you much love and happiness on this merriest of holiday seasons. 

Peace & Love
Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Speaker . Trainer

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com 

Love

Love 

Today I was listening to a CD set from one of my favorite speakers, Michael Bernard Beckwith. It’s a set I have had for a few years and decided it was a good day to revisit some of the theories he teaches. Throughout the hour of listening to him speak, I heard the same message several times: it’s about love.

It’s about love, all forms of love from self-love, to unconditional love, to relationship love, to the love of life. Often times, people mistake what love is or what it is not. Up until the last few years, I thought love had failed me in every area of my life. In fact, I’d go as far as to say, that I hated the idea of love. The word itself brought out a mixture of emotions and pain that I couldn’t deal with. I did lots of things to avoid love and to sabotage love (in all my relationships). Ultimately it got me nowhere but locked in a self-made safe house.

It’s about love – in all forms. When someone challenges us, there is a reason. My mentor would tell you that the buttons they are pushing for you, are areas of your life you need to work on (or what she calls the “mirror effect”). I know most of us don’t want to think that our spouse or children or even our boss is showing up to teach us something, especially when we are annoyed with them! But at the end of the day, the emotions they charge in you, are really about something you need to learn or heal. As I type this, I am having my own awareness of little nauseous in my day-to-day life, haha...

So how do you love yourself or the button-pusher through it? How do you humble yourself to a place of love…unconditional, pure love? How do you move from anger to love?

We’ve all heard the saying “you’ll never understand a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” Although we may not literally be able to step into another person’s body to “walk a mile” in their life, we can, however, use our imagination to experience how it might feel to be them.

How does it feel to be them? To have their face? To have their hair? To walk or talk like them? Do they have an illness you do not know about? How does it feel to have their name? To have their job, their home? How does it feel to be their spouse? How does it feel to have their insecurities? Their fears?

I have found when I use this exercise I am able to remove any judgments I have formed, almost immediately. I move from a place of negativity or anger into a place of compassion and understanding. When I am able to connect with them on this level, I am able to see through my own fears and inadequacies and accept them for the person they are. I am able to find value. I am able to find appreciation. I am able to find love.

In the wake of the news that Congress tossed out California’s bill against same sex marriage, love is really the underlying message. I have read all sorts of comments on the social media sites today, from anger to joy. When I say love is the underlying message, I do not mean this to imply what my opinion is whether two people of the same sex should be married or not. More importantly, what I mean is that love should always be what we consider first. Not whether it is right or possible for two men or two women to love each other romantically, or whether love is only reserved for straight relationships.

What I mean is to simply LOVE...in all ways possible...all people...all things...all of life. Stop thinking about yourself and your own issues long enough to walk a mile in a different pair of shoes. The "shoes" are not limited to people, I mean ALL things, including animals, plants, situations, events, etc.

Stop thinking that your view is the only view or that it is the right view. Love does not know the difference. Don’t assume the worst in others. Think about love before you make a decision or form a judgment. Think about love before you place a limitation on a person or situation. Govern your thoughts and behaviors with love as your motivation. Make all your choices with love.

When we “walk a mile in their shoes” we are able to give love and to receive love. We remove the limitations we create by judging. To love is to be one with yourself…to be one with another human being…to be one with all of life.

The next time you find yourself annoyed with your spouse, a co-worker, your child or the neighbor down the hall, consider first what it’s like to “walk a mile in their shoes.” Consider all the possibilities that lie in your ability to choose love over anger. Put love first…and you will change your world.

Much Love,

Sarah Michelle Bliss

Success Coach . Speaker . Trainer

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com