Do You Take Risks?

Are You A Risk-Taker? 

A few weeks ago I found myself caught up in the National Spelling Bee that was on television. While I know this doesn’t sound like it would be entertaining, it was actually rather fascinating and especially for someone like me who used to read the dictionary for fun. However, it brought back a memory from years ago when I myself was in a spelling bee (the one and only time)...and has been the inspiration for this blog. 

I was in fifth grade, which was probably one of the hardest years I spent in school. My parents were getting divorced, the church I so loved had asked my mother to leave because of the divorce, and everything I knew to be true in my life was turned upside down. As I replayed that memory in my mind, I was hit with a huge awareness…that spell bee was the last time I took a real risk.

Thirty years later? Let me explain more.

The spelling bee was set up into categories, or levels of difficulty and some of it was based on the grade you were in. My memory of the specific details is a wee bit fuzzy after all these years but the outcome of the spelling bee is something I have carried with me for almost thirty years. I only knew one word in the hardest category on the board, but I knew if I got that one word, I would win. How awesome would that be?

Now, as an adult I can look back on this situation and tell you all the reasons why my decision was not well thought-out, nor did I have a solid plan other than my ability to spell the one word I knew correctly. It was risky in every sense of the word. But my ten-year-old spirit had never heard of “calculated risks." She was a risk-taker. 

When I approached the stage, I was asked which category I wanted to pick from…with a mixture of pride and confidence I boldly selected the most difficult category, the category I knew my one word would be in. Congratulations. That was the one word I knew how to spell. And out of thousands of choices, I banked everything I had on the word congratulations.

Oh the irony…

I am sure I don’t really need to tell you that the word I got was not congratulations. I don’t recall what it was all these years later, but I do know it wasn’t what I had planned for. As an adult I can giggle at my naiveté and how silly it was to think that out of millions of words possible I would be so lucky to get the word congratulations.

However, as a ten-years-old little girl, I heard this confirmation about taking risks: congratulations you failed. I was embarrassed and defeated. I was never in another spelling bee, even though I love to learn new words. I never took another risk that I couldn’t control the outcome.

What can I learn from this awareness?

It is amazing to me, how an event like this has stuck with me all these years and deeply impacted my future reality. I had never really thought about why I was uncomfortable taking risks, I just knew I was. And now it all makes so much sense…the question I have to ask myself now: do I stay living in the past with a memory from thirty years ago or do I ditch the emotional baggage? 

As an adult I know this to be true…life is full of risks, some more calculated than others but at the end of the day, you have to be willing to risk it all if you want to live a life you love. Myself included. Are you ready? Let's do it!

Live boldly and unafraid, 
Sarah Michelle 

Author . Coach . Trainer . SpeakerAuthor of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

Learning How to Love Unconditionally

Learning How to Love Unconditionally 

A few weeks ago I attended an event with one of my favorites, Sunny Dawn Johnston. The day was focused on healing and using the different modalities available to us, specific to the arch angels. But like most self-help, healing events such as these, there is always something more that comes to light. For me, it was the realization that I don’t know how to love unconditionally. Ouch.

For the past few weeks, I have sat with this new awareness in the pit of my stomach. I have experienced an array of emotions from a deep sadness to a seething anger at the one person I hold the most responsible for this missing skill in my life: my mother. A flash of past relationships, or shall I say, failed relationships fill my thoughts and further my emotions spiral. I can’t help but wonder if this condition contributed to the lack of love in my life. I am forced to take responsibility. And now, the next question...how do I learn to love unconditionally?

Growing up my mother’s daughter came with its own set of unique conditions. I learned at a very young age not to rock the boat; being good meant survival. Being perfect though, meant I might earn the affection and love I was so desperate to receive from my mother. The last time I saw her, she stood in my kitchen, looked me up and down and said to me “Well you aren’t too overweight that you couldn’t stand to lose another five or so pounds.” I was 109 pounds and in the best physical shape of my adult life. I had finally gotten to her perfect weight on the scale and it still wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough.

Today, I am left with the harsh reality that I am perfectionist in almost everything I do and living with my self is a real bitch somedays. Living up to my own ridiculous standards is nearly impossible for me, how do I expect another human being to do it?

I have spent hours rolling this around in my head…and now putting it into words helps me gain some much needed clarity. I like to fancy myself a bit of a hippie with the notion that the world should be full of love and everyone wearing flowers in their hair. To realize that I don’t really know how to love unconditionally is big blow to my ego.

I have thought about all the areas of my life that this impacts, and not in a positive way…like how I love myself, my body, my thoughts…if I am being honest, it is a big judgement-fest going on in my head, and all because of this deeply rooted need to be perfect…in the quest for the one thing I long for the most: unconditional love. Oh the irony…

In the dictionary the word “unconditional” means without condition; absolute. My curiosity wonders what the word absolute means: free from imperfections; complete. Perfect; free from restrictions or limitations. There is the answer I am looking for, and perhaps a better way to define what it means to love…without restrictions or limitations.

I know I am not the only one who feels the same way and I certainly know I am not the only one with a parent who rationed out the affection. We grow up in a world that places conditions and restrictions on nearly everything we do, feel, or imagine from our first breath to our last. We are taught to judge at a very early age… what is good or bad, pretty or ugly, too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny…we are taught to judge before we are taught how to love. And when we place judgement or restriction, we can’t help but stop the flow of love. To judge is a contradiction to the very essence of love.

I have two beautiful little dogs and when I think about them, it is pure joy. I miss them when they are not with me and I can’t stay mad at them for more than a few minutes, because as soon as I look at their sweet faces, my heart melts. The joy that they bring me is unconditional. They do not care if I am having a good day or a bad day…what I am wearing, how much I weigh, or how much money is my bank account. They are the very definition of absolute love. Perhaps I do know how to love unconditionally…just not another human being. But I am a work in progress.

While I am still learning how to apply my unconditional adoration of my sweet pups to another human, I have come to understand that love is a choice. And I am capable of making that choice. I am an adult and I get to choose what I define as beautiful, what is good or bad. I get to control the flow of love in my life.

I am tired of not receiving the unconditional love that surrounds me in all forms, because I am too obsessed with being perfect. I am tired of limiting the love I give because it doesn’t met a condition that was created by someone else. I am far from perfect and will likely never attain perfection in this human life. So why not just be? Be perfectly imperfect and in-love with life. Love is a choice. It’s the only choice.

Sending you much love,

Sarah Michelle

Author . Coach . Trainer . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

If Money Were No Object, What Would You Do?

If Money Were No Object, What Would You Do? 

Last week I was invited to participate in a special two-day conference in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. As typical with an event like this, there were several industry speakers who shared relevant information, which of course, I found myself taking pages of notes (yes, I still take notes!) This was an intimate group, and in effort to break the ice, we were asked to share a little about ourselves and if money were no object, what would we do. Many people answered with travel or expensive purchases such as a professional football team or a private island. While those answers were all creative, one person’s answer stood out to me. If money were no object, she would buy time.

Time does seem to be an obstacle that many of us face…from a lack of enough time to complete our everyday tasks…to the evitable race against time, for the person who is facing a terminal illness with only weeks or days to live. The question, if money were no object, or perhaps we should ask it like this: if there were no limitations, obstacles or struggles in your way, what would you be capable of doing? What dreams would you pursue? Where would you travel? Who would you seek out?

Take a moment to dream…if money were no object, what would your life look like? Would you still be afraid? Would you still blame external obstacles for holding you back? Would you still be in the relationship you are currently in? Or would you take the chance, knowing you had something to fall back on?

In reality, you do not need a full bank account to start pursuing our dreams. You can begin right now, from the place you are. In reality, the only thing holding you back, the only obstacle in your life capable of stopping you from living a life of abundance…is you. (Ouch!) My mother used to say, “Where there is a will, there is a way.” Where there is a dream, a hope, a passion…a way will be made. All you have to do is dare to dream; dare to be wildly courageous in your pursuit. So what would you do, if money were no object?

Dare to dream,

Sarah Michelle 

Author . Coach . Trainer . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Who Says You Can’t Do It?

Who Says You Can’t Do It? 

This image strikes a chord with me, especially since I can relate to the artist on so many levels, including our shared family struggles and attempt at suicide. His 2002 hit, Lose Yourself was a personal mantra for many years. “Mom, I love you but this trailer’s got to go. I cannot grow old in Salem’s Lot, so here I go. It’s my shot, feet: fail me not. This may be the only opportunity that I got.”

Listening to this song makes me want to get up and go do something freaking awesome. Still, even all these years later and after listening to it a thousand times, sometimes over and over. Who says you can’t do it?

Like Eminem and countless others we have been told we can’t. You aren’t good enough. You aren’t smart enough. You don’t come from the right background. You aren’t tall enough. You are a woman. You are a man. You are too young. You are too fat. You aren’t the right color. The list goes on and on…

“You’ll never amount to anything, but a loser just like your father.” I heard this statement many times as a young girl. My mother. It took me twenty-five years to understanding or accept that at the time, she thought she was doing the right thing by saying this to me. Perhaps not; perhaps she was just an asshole. Either way, it inspired me to prove her wrong. And when the opportunity came, I moved away from the trailer park. “This is my shot: feet fail me not.”

Who says you can’t do it? Whether it is your mom, your dad, or your partner, your boss or a teacher, I challenge you to do it anyway. Life will give you exactly what you ask for, if you are willing to take the chance on yourself. The only person you need to believe, is you. “Success is my only mutherf*ckin’ option – failures not.”

Peace and Love,

Sarah Michelle 

Success Coach . Trainer . Author . Speaker

Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken 

Many years ago I signed up for a daily email from a company called TUT (totally unique thoughts). The emails are written as if they are coming from the Universe, which is really a guy named Mike Dooley. I love these quick, to the point messages that often times, stay with me for days, if not weeks. Today, I thought I would share one of the messages I received and the perspective it gave me.

“Never create Rules, Sarah. Not ever. Not for others. And especially not for yourself. Unless, of course, this is your rules.”

From the time we begin to walk, we are taught about rules. Some rules are obviously for our safety, while other rules teach us at a young age that there are limitations in life or what we “can or can’t do.” Although I have prescribed to plenty of my own self-limited thoughts (and probably still do), I also believe that some rules are meant to be broken.

When I read this message from the Universe, I had a flash of some “rules” I had learned over the course of my life…like eat all your vegetables, or don’t drive over the speed limit, or never put the Christmas tree top on until the rest of the tree is decorated…all rules I think I have broken at some point in time!

Some rules (especially the ones that should be broken), restrict us and hold us back…they keep us thinking small or believing that we are not capable of more…worse off, they stop us from living a fulfilling life. We are taught to think about our actions, to be smart and plan ahead. These are all rules, that could be broke, and for good cause.

When we create rules, we create expectations and then our dreams become a rigid set of “to-dos” on a boring sheet of paper. When we create expectations we stifle our creativity. And when we are restricted or tied to a rule we shut off the flow of possibilities. If we can only see one outcome or one way something can happen, we have prescribed to a self-limiting rule.

If you want to make something happen in your life, stop creating rules…stop believing in “how you think it should be done.” Stop having expectations of those around you or the circumstances in your life. Stop thinking and start dreaming. Some rules are meant to be broken…especially when it comes to being in control of your own happiness!

Much Love,

Sarah Michelle

Success Coach . Trainer . Author
Author of Tales of Fried Bologna: A Journey to Forgiveness

www.SarahMichelleBliss.com